Cautious Lover Read online

  There had been casual hugs, pleasantly warm but al­most cautious embraces, a great deal of hand-holding and one or two kisses that Elly thought contained the seeds of passion. Frustratingly, those seeds had not been allowed to grow. It seemed to her that as soon as Jess sensed any threat to his self-control he pulled back. It was not only odd in this day and age to have a man approach an essentially sensual relationship so carefully, it was downright disturbing. After all, Elly told herself wor­riedly, it wasn’t as if they were teenagers who were sneaking around behind the barn. In fact, teenagers, un­der the circumstances, probably would have had more fun. And womanly instinct told her that Jess Winter definitely was interested in women. So why hadn’t he pushed her into bed by now? He certainly wouldn’t have had to push very hard. The thought that he might not be attracted to her was terrifying. It also made no sense. Why would he want to marry her if he wasn’t attracted to her?

  Her only hope had been the occasional glimpses of fire she thought she had detected on the few times when Jess had permitted a good-night embrace to stray beyond the bounds he usually imposed. She thought she had sensed something more in him on those infrequent occasions, something that meant he was capable of responding to her deeply. Those hints of passion, combined with her instinctive reading of his character, were all she had to go on tonight. If she couldn’t find a way to test the sensual side of his nature, Elly knew she would be forced to de­cline Jess Winter’s offer of marriage. It would be too big a risk.

  She might be thirty, but she hadn’t reached the point of desperation and probably never would. She wasn’t ready to commit herself to marriage simply to avoid spinsterhood. As a matter of fact, there was a lot to be said for living independently. She had grown quite fond of her freedom and her own company. Only love would coax her into marriage—fully reciprocated love. Elly had made that decision this morning.

  “How long will you be staying this time?” she asked as she carried the bowls over to the round wooden table by the window. She returned to the oven to collect the rest of the meal.

  Jess shook his head in mock wonder. “You’re always so calm and serene about that particular question. A lot of women would have given me a great deal of static over the matter of my coming and going so frequently. But not you.” He reached for a hot bowl. “You always smile and kiss me goodbye when I leave and invariably you’re waiting right where I left you when I return.”

  “I had no idea I was so convenient.” Elly sat down and concentrated on tasting her casserole.

  “Ah, but you are convenient, Elly. Undemanding, good-natured, genuine, reliable, tolerant and you can cook. What more could a man ask?”

  She sighed, her mouth curving wryly. “You’re teasing me.”

  “You’re asking for it.” Jess’s eyes gleamed. “But to tell you the truth, all those perfect female qualities I just listed aren’t so far from reality. You do possess them.”

  “And you’re a man who appreciates them?”

  “You better believe it.”

  The depressing thing was, he clearly meant it. The rather daunting list of dull virtues was exactly what Jess did seem to admire in her. After two months Elly be­lieved him. The thought nearly panicked her.

  “What if I turned out to be not quite so, uh, comfort­able?” she dared softly.

  Jess grinned. “It’s really starting to get to you, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “Bridal jitters.”

  “I’m not a bride yet,” she pointed out coolly.

  He leaned across the table and flicked the end of her short nose. It was a gesture of casual affection, just as all his other gestures were. “You’re going to make a charm­ing bride. Now stop worrying about it and pass me the salad.”

  Without a word Elly obeyed. The time had come, she thought. It was now or never. She had to start focusing the evening toward her ultimate goal or the opportunity would be lost. Deliberately she summoned up a sweet smile. “You can’t blame me for being nervous. I’ve never been married before.”

  “You’ll get the hang of it fast enough. All you have to do is keep living your life the way you normally live it. The only difference is that I’ll be around to share it with you.”

  “Sounds simple.”

  “It will be. Want some more salad?” He dished out a large portion for her without bothering to wait for her response.

  “No, thank you.”

  “Too late. It’s already on your plate. That dressing’s terrific, by the way. Invent it yourself?” “Um-hmm.”

  “You know, I think that after we’re married I’ll move in here with you while we wait for the renovation work on the inn,” he went on casually. “When it’s finished we can live there.”

  “Jess—”

  “I’m almost finished winding things up in Portland. I figure another couple of weeks and I’ll be through en­tirely. If we plan the wedding for the end of the month everything should dovetail nicely. All right with you?”

  “Jess, I think we ought to discuss this.”

  “There’s nothing major to discuss. I’ll handle all the details. Just decide how many of your local laid-back artsy-craftsy friends you want to invite to the wedding. We can have the reception right here, I think. Should be enough room.”

  Elly gave up trying to deflect him from his casual planning of her life. Instead she tried to make the appro­priate responses even though she was growing increas­ingly tense. She’d never set out deliberately to seduce a man before, and the prospect was intimidating. It would have been much simpler if she’d been certain of the re­ception she was likely to receive. But with Jess Winter there was no predicting the outcome.

  “Leave the dishes,” she said quickly as they finished the meal. Jess had started to clear the table the way he usually did. Elly smiled tremulously as she got to her feet. “We can do them later.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Whatever you like.”

  She cleared her throat, aware of the quickening of ad­renaline in her body. “I thought it might be nice to build a fire and have a glass of brandy in front of it. How does that sound?” She was already leading the way into the living room, allowing him little option but to follow.

  “Sounds fine.”

  Jess walked over to the old stone hearth and went down on one knee in front of it. He reached for the kindling Elly had piled in the brass wood basket.

  “There is some newspaper in that sack,” Elly said as she tried unobtrusively to turn off some of the lights. “You can use it to start the fire.”

  “Newspaper and something else.” He peered into the sack. “What’s this? Mail?” He pulled out an envelope addressed to her and held it up inquiringly.

  “That’s okay. Just a letter from my cousin. I’ve al­ready read it. I toss most of my papers into that sack so I’ll always have something with which to start a fire.”

  Jess nodded, striking a match and setting the flame to the edge of the envelope. When the paper caught fire he used it to light the kindling. “How much family do you have besides this cousin?”

  “The usual assortment, I guess. I don’t have any brothers or sisters, though. My parents are retired and live back East. They’re on an extended cruise at the mo­ment. The rest of my relatives live in California. That includes Dave’s parents.”

  “Dave?”

  “The cousin who wrote me that letter,” Elly ex­plained as she gazed thoughtfully around the darkened room. Jess hadn’t seemed to notice that she was trying to produce a romantic glow.

  “He lives in California?”

  “No, he’s in college in Seattle.”

  She didn’t particularly want to discuss Dave just then. She had other things on her mind. She eyed Jess as he concentrated on his fire. The glow of the flames was be­ginning to cast a warm tone over the atmosphere of the room, just as she had hoped. In the firelight she could see hints of the silver in Jess’s dark hair. There was a casual, thoroughly masculine grace about him as he knelt in front of the fl
ames. She responded to it the way she al­ways did, wanting to touch him. Elly dug her nails into her palms in agony over the suspense and tension. Then she drew a deep breath and forced herself to relax.

  “How was the drive from Portland?” she asked blandly as she walked over to an oak end table and poured two brandies.

  “No problem. The fog’s coming in tonight, though. I’m glad I-got here before dark.” Jess got to his feet and accepted the snifter from her with a smile.

  “Sit down.” Elly graciously indicated the depths of the huge, overstuffed sofa. When he’d obligingly seated himself she sank down beside him, curling her legs un­der and leaning into him to feel his warmth. Jess’s arm slipped automatically around her shoulders, and he took a thoughtful sip of brandy. She could feel him relaxing.

  “Honey, you don’t know how good this is,” he mur­mured. “All week I look forward to getting back here and unwinding with you.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “So tell me what you’ve been doing this past week,” Jess invited lazily.

  “Not much. Just the usual.” Elly tried to nestle closer. It seemed to her that Jess’s arm tightened fractionally but not much. He seemed content to sit like this for the rest of the evening. “We lead a very quiet life around here during the winter, Jess.” She took a breath. “Are you sure it’s not going to be too quiet for you? ‘

  “I know what I’m doing, Elly. I usually do.”

  She inclined her head, staring into the flames. “I be­lieve you. I just wish I knew what I was doing.”

  “Stop worrying and leave everything to me.” He lift­ed his hand to toy with her braids.

  Elly waited hopefully, but his touch was clearly just another absent caress, not the prelude to taking down her hair. She sighed inwardly, knowing that if she didn’t take the initiative, they would sit here all evening like this. Deliberately Elly put her fingertips on Jess’s thigh. Jess didn’t seem to notice. Elly took another swallow of brandy to fortify herself.

  “You were right about the fog,” she said, a little star­tled that the words sounded so husky in her throat. “It’s very heavy tonight.”

  “Umm.” Jess leaned his head back against the cush­ions, his eyes closing in obvious contentment.

  “It makes things cozy, don’t you think?” Good grief. If he fell asleep on her she would know for certain there was no hope of any passion in the forthcoming mar­riage. Nervously Elly began drawing tiny patterns on Jess’s thigh. Through the fabric of his well-tailored slacks she could feel the heat of his body.

  “Cozy? I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I suppose it does. During the winter months we’ll have to promote the inn as a quiet, cozy retreat. A place far away from the hustle of the city.”

  “Romantic,” Elly suggested tentatively. “You could promote it as a romantic hideaway on a windswept coast. Doesn’t that sound appropriate?”

  “Maybe I should let you handle the advertising,” he said with a trace of humor.

  “Maybe you should.” She took a deep breath, her fingers tightening around her glass. Then she let her hand slide down along the inside of his leg. Simultaneously she turned her face into his chest. It was obvious she was going to have to be more aggressive. “You smell good.”

  “Not likely. I haven’t showered since this morning.” Jess still sounded incredibly unconcerned.

  He stirred faintly, though, just enough to let Elly know that he wasn’t completely unaware of her physically. En­couraged, she put her glass down on the table at the end of the sofa, leaning intimately across Jess as she did so. When she finished the small task, she took advantage of her position to increase the closeness between them. She put her hand on the first button of his shirt.

  “No, really, you do smell good,” she insisted, resting her cheek on his shoulder as she fiddled with the button. “Warm and sexy.”

  “I had no idea what a lack of a shower could do for a man,” Jess said dryly. He shifted a little. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to put more distance between them or if he was just restless. “Easy honey. I don’t want to spill this good brandy.”

  “There’s plenty more where that came from.” She succeeded in undoing the button at last. Her fingers strayed inside the opening of his white shirt. Elly caught her breath as she felt the crisp, curly hair. Impulsively she turned her head and put her lips to the base of his throat.

  “Elly, honey—”

  “I’ve missed you this week, Jess.” She kissed him again, this time on his jaw. Her fingers slipped around his neck.

  “I missed you, too,” he whispered.

  Elly thought she heard him sigh softly into her hair. Emboldened, she leaned more heavily into him, letting him feel the shape of her soft, unconfined breasts on his hard chest. His fingers tightened on her shoulder, and now she was sure he was no longer quite so relaxed. She could feel his body tightening as she snuggled against him.

  “I’ve done a lot of thinking this week, Jess.”

  “Have you?” His hand lifted to her hair again, and this time he removed a couple of pins.

  “There are some things we’ve never talked about,” she ventured, closing her eyes as she felt her hair coming free.

  “And you’ve been worrying about them?”

  “Yes.”

  “Elly, honey, there’s no need to worry. We’ve got all the time in the world. There’s no rush. Everything’s on schedule.”

  “I know that, but—” She broke off, unable to put her fears into words. Instead she clung to him, abruptly dig­ging her fingertips into his shoulders. A little desper­ately she found his mouth with her own, praying for a response.

  At first there was only the polite, warm, agreeable re­action of a man who knows what’s expected of him un­der the circumstances and is willing to oblige.

  But Elly had had enough of his polite, obliging kisses during the past two months. Tonight she needed to know that his feelings for her went deeper. She had to find out just what he felt for her. Her whole future depended on the answer. Inching her way appealingly into Jess’s lap, she curled against him and opened her mouth invitingly beneath his. Her desire was naked now, leaving her to­tally vulnerable.

  Elly felt the hesitation in Jess and could have wept. Then, just as she was convinced that he felt nothing for her—at least nothing he would admit to—Jess slowly began to respond.

  The very fact that he seemed to be fighting his own re­sponse flooded Elly with hope. She moaned softly against his mouth, a wordless plea that was also an un­witting, very feminine form of seduction. Then she caught his hand in one of her own. Trembling, she guided his fingers under the edge of her sweater.

  Jess sucked in his breath. Beneath her thigh Elly was now unmistakably aware of his growing arousal. Shiv­ering with nervous relief and an even more nervous ex­hilaration, she urged his hand higher.

  “Please, Jess. Please touch me. I—I need you. I want you to need me.” The words were breathless pleas against Jess’s throat as Elly trembled in his arms.

  Jess groaned. “Elly, honey, I didn’t plan it to be like this.”

  “But, Jess, this is the way it’s supposed to be,” she whispered desperately. “Make love to me, Jess. Please make love to me. I’m begging you.”

  “Oh, God, Elly. I don’t—I didn’t want—You don’t know what you’re asking.”

  But his hand closed over her breasts with a sensual possessiveness Elly had never known in him before. The last of her doubts faded as she felt the undeniable im­pact of the first deeply sexual contact she’d ever had with Jess Winter. He did want her. The fire she had sensed in him really did exist.

  Elly almost sobbed in relief, and then she felt the room shift on its axis as Jess lowered her onto the sofa cush­ions. A moment later he came down on top of her. The firelight clearly revealed the masculine hunger that was at last beginning to etch his face.

  Two

  It was going to be all right, Jess thought as the need in him flared into heav
y and demanding life. There had been nothing to worry about after all. And to think he’d been deliberately putting off this end of things. What a fool. It was going to be all right.

  No, it was going to be better than all right. He realized that as Elly began to cling to him with increasing pas­sion. She was so soft and hot, her tawny-gold eyes full of a totally honest plea. She wanted him. The desire in her was not a false spell she wove to ensnare him. It was gen­uine, completely genuine. It made her so sweetly vulner­able.

  Beneath him Jess could feel the gentle swell of Elly’s breasts. The need to see and touch her small, excitingly hard nipples came over him in a rush. With an awkward urgency that astonished him, he pulled the persimmon sweater up over her head, letting the garment drop to the floor. He inhaled fiercely as the fire’s glow spilled over her bare breasts.

  “Ah, Elly, my sweet Elly. You’re so lovely.”

  She shivered as he carefully brushed his thumb across one thrusting peak. Her reaction to his touch heightened Jess’s excitement as nothing else could have. He lifted his head and saw that her eyes were half-closed against the exquisite need building up in her. Along the length of his leg her jeaned thigh tightened, her knee flexing slightly.

  It was a fantastic sensation, Jess thought, half-dazed. To think he had planned to keep sex on more or less cas­ual terms, an easy, comfortable basis that would satisfy each of them physically but not demand too much emo­tionally. He knew it was possible to enjoy a physical re­lationship on that level because he’d had more than one such association since Marina had left. But, God help him, he would have missed so much if he’d succeeded in doing that with Elly.

  It wasn’t until tonight, when she had begged him to make love to her, that Jess had finally acknowledged that the sexual relationship with Elly wasn’t going to be cas­ual. Her own need and passion were pulling him into the heart of a whirlwind. There was no aphrodisiac on earth that could compare to being wanted the way Elly seemed to want him tonight.